So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just had sex on a roof
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
