When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
