after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What drink are we having for lunch?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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