sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
