Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
