i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
