Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
