Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
