I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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