woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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