I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
