White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
