Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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