It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
