I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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