She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
