Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
