On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize