You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
