And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
