im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
