Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
