I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
