sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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