Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
