My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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