her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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