Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
