My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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