then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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