Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
