Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
