Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
