big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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