If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
