I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we have pet lesbian snakes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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