she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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