god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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