A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My hand turned me down
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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