lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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