dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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