Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
