Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
