u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
