I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
