so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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