she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
