"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
