im about as happy as oj after his trial
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this boner is exhausting
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
