Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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