I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
