Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
