I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my shit smells like andre
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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