I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
