non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
