absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
