how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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