But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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