Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
