Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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