he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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