I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
