He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
