Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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