I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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