i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
