My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
