Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can Purell be used as lube?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow