i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
