I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable