i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.