she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
