Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
