note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
