You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
