i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
