Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
