just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
