Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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