You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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