can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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