My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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